A Fella’s Fear

My suggested responses to 3 high-risk binge eating scenarios.

Situation 1

I was working late in the office and I haven’t had the time to have lunch because my boss called an emergency meeting. I left the office starving and frustrated with myself that I hadn’t eaten all day and with my boss for not respecting my lunch time. On my way home, I passed by a MacDonald’s. I ordered 3 meal deals in the drive-thru and gorged them in the car park. When I went home, I felt awful and disgusted with myself.

I completely understand.

re: Starving

• I normally think of meals as large events as I had tried to tackle mindless grazing in the past. Do you also see meals as big events?
• Would it have been possible to grab a small amount of food during the day, like a bit of porridge from the cupboard or a snack bar?
• How open would you be to telling your boss about your binge eating, and that one of the things which gets you is being very hungry? Your boss may then understand if you need to shoot out for a few mins to grab food

re: Frustrated

• Were you aware of this emotion in the moment?
• If not, a Life Log is really helpful where you write down behaviours, sensations, feelings, thoughts — in that order of increasing difficulty to spot.
• If you were aware of the emotion, did you have a strategy in place for dealing with it? Examples in increasing difficulty and effectiveness: 3 deep breaths, writing in Life Log, messaging a friend / on Fella WhatsApp, 10min meditation, 15min distraction activity, calling friends/support network/Fellas until one picks up

re: Awful & Disgusted

• Have you asked yourself what exactly is Awful and what exactly Disgusts you? This is a good moment for thought challenging.
• This is an ideal moment to share with your support network. Ask the mode you want them to be in: sympathetic ear, cheerleader, or problem solver.
• Debugging what happened is an important step and is very helpful to so with someone who gets it — because it reduces the chance you’ll be overly negative about yourself and increases the chance you’ll have effective problem solving for next time.
• Were you planning on compensating for the binge? The best way forward is to not do any immediate compensation to avoid a downward spiral and instead see it as an important learning experience for next time. Try to eat normally and exercise normally in the coming days.

I back you.

Situation 2

My best friend’s girlfriend was having a birthday party that I was invited to. I knew that there would be lots of cupcakes, chips, and birthday cake which are some of my high-risk foods. When I got to the party, all the food was set out on the table in the kitchen. During the party, my best friend kept offering me cans of beer. At the end of the party, I realized that I had spent most of my time in the kitchen, barely having spoken to other people, and having diverged significantly from my meal plan.

I completely understand.

re: High-Risk Foods

• Do you normally expose yourself to small amounts of these foods? Categorizing foods as forbidden/binge foods massively increases the risk of a binge — because when we are eventually exposed to them, we feel a sense of reckless abandon and overeat these foods. Following Graded Controlled Exposure in day to day life reduces this risk.

re: Unaware Friends

• It sounds like none of the attendees knew of your eating struggle. This makes it more difficult for you because their well meaning actions (laying out food, offering you lots of beer) have destructive effects for you they’re not aware of.
• How comfortable would you be stating beforehand that you have eating struggles, and so would it be possible to not lay out all the food and offer lots of beer. Yes, it feels silly. But it is very effective and people will tend to appreciate the candour.

re: Alcohol

• Was the drinking alcohol a cause of the overeating? This is common.
• Did you feel pressured into drinking? Can you do a thought challenging exercise here to understand what’s going on?

re: Afterwards

• You’re likely gonna feel regret and that “you’ve fucked it” with your meal plan. The key is to get back to normal eating, to the meal plan, as soon as possible.
• Can you speak this through with someone who can help you work through these steps? At the least, writing this all down is helpful as it calms you down.
• “fucked it so may as well continue” is dichotomous thinking. Can you challenge this thinking?
• “fucked it so have to compensate” is short-termist: it doesn’t account for the deteriorating cycle which is more likely with compensation.

I back you.

Situation 3

I had an exhausting day at work and I arrived home to find my housemates sitting on the couch, with a ton of snacks set out on the coffee table that they bought for an impromptu movie night. I really wanted to join them and relax with them as I enjoy their company, but the snacks on the coffee table were extremely triggering. So, I decided to avoid them and go to my room instead. I hadn’t prepared dinner, so I ended up ordering a ton of junk food on DoorDash / Deliveroo and ate alone in my room.

I completely understand.

re: Exhausting Day & Wanting to Relax

• We often using overeating as a form of relief and relaxation.
• Were you aware of your exhaustion in the moment?
• If not, a Life Log for sensations is helpful.
• If yes, you would likely know this is a higher risk situation. Was there anyone you could tell here, even if just messaging on the Fella group?
• If you recognize the exhaustion, you can very actively plan in relaxation which doesnt involve food e.g. watching a movie.

re: Snacks are triggering

• Are these snacks still forbidden in your eyes? If so, Graded Controlled Exposure is important to take power away from these foods.
• I’m guessing your flatmates weren’t aware. Would you have been able to ask them to keep the snacks out of your eyesight?

re: Ordering dinner & eating alone

• It sounds like you were hungry and didn’t know what to eat for dinner. Could you have asked the others whether they wanted to eat dinner together?

I back you.